tears

they sting my eyes
as they leave painfill streaks
as they cut there wya through my eyelids

fuck i hate crying.

and i hate u bastards that make me crack to the point of tears.

you all are pathectic and are worth nothing to a functional world so jsut go die.

cell block tango- Chicago <3

[LIZ]Pop

[ANNIE]Six

[JUNE]Squish

[HUNYAK]Uh uh

[VELMA]Cicero

[MONA]Lipschitz!

[LIZ]Pop

[ANNIE]Six

[JUNE]Squish

[HUNYAK]Uh uh

[VELMA]Cicero

[MONA]

Lipschitz!

[LIZ]Pop

[ANNIE]Six

[JUNE]Squish

[HUNYAK]Uh uh

[VELMA]Cicero

[MONA]Lipschitz!

[ALL]He had it coming

He had it coming

He only had himself to blame

If you'd have been there

If you'd have seen it

[VELMA]I betcha you would have done the same!

[LIZ]Pop

[ANNIE]Six

[JUNE]Squish

[HUNYAK]Uh uh

[VELMA]Cicero

[MONA]Lipschitz!

[LIZ (Spoken)]You know how people

have these little habits

That get you down. Like Bernie.

Bernie like to chew gum.

No, not chew. POP.

Well, I came home this one day

And I am really irritated, and

looking for a little sympathy

and there'e Bernie layin'on the couch, drinkin' a beerand chewin'.

No, not chewin'.Poppin'.

So, I said to him,I said, "Bernie, you pop that

gum one more time..."and he did.So I took the shotgun off the wall

and I fired two warning shots... ...into his head.

[GIRLS]He had it coming

He had it coming

He only had himself to blame

If you'd have been there

If you'd have seen it

I betcha you would

Have done the same!

He had it coming

He had it coming

He only had himself to blame

If you'd have been there

If you'd have seen it

I betcha you would

Have done the same!

[ALL]He had it coming

He had it coming

He only had himself to blame

If you'd have been there

If you'd have seen it

I betcha you would

Have dome the same!

[ANNIE (Spoken)]I met Ezekiel Young from

Salt Lake city about two years ago

and he told me he was single

and we hit it off right away.So, we started living together.

He'd go to work, he'd come home, I'd

mix him a drink, We'd have dinner.Well, it was like heaven in

two and a half rooms.And then I found out,"Single" he told me?

Single, my ass. Not onlywas he married...oh, no, he had six wives.

One of those Mormons, you know. So that

night, when he came home, I mixed him

his drink as usual.

You know, some guys just can't hold

their arsenic.

[GIRLS]He had it coming

He had it coming

He only had himself

To blame

If you'd have been there

If you'd have seen it

I betcha you would

Have done the same

He had it coming

He had it coming

He only had himself to blame

If you'd have been there

If yo'd have seen it

I betcha you would

Have done the same!

[LIZ,ANNIE,JUNE,MONA]Hah! He had it coming

He had it coming

He took a flower In its prime

And then he used itAnd he abused it

It was a murder

But not a crime!

[VELMA AND HUNYAK]Pop, six, squish, uh-uhCicero, Lipschitz

[JUNE (Spoken)]Now, I'm standing in the kitchen

carvin' up the chicken for dinner,minding my own business,and in storms my husband Wilbur,in a jealous rage.

"You been screwin' the milkman,"he says. He was crazyand he kept screamin',"you been screwin the milkman."

And then he ran into my knife.He ran into my knife ten times!

[GIRLS]Pop,Six,Squish,Uh-uh,Cicero,Lipschitz

Pop, Six,Squish,Uh-uh,Cicero,Lipschitz

Pop,Six,Squish,Uh-uh,Cicero,Lipschitz

[ALL]If you'd have been thereIf you'd have seen it

I betcha you would have done the same!

[HUNYAK (Spoken)]Mit kersek, en itt? Azt mondjok,

hogy a hires lakem lefogta a ferjemet en meg lecsaptam a fejet.

De nem igaz, en artatlan vagyok.

Nem tudom mert mondja Uncle Sam hogy en tettem. probalt ama rendorsegen megmayarazni de nem ertettek meg...

[JUNE (Spoken)]Yeah, but di you do it?

[HUNYAK]UH UH, not guilty!

[VELMA]My sister, Veronica and

I did this double actand my husband, Charlie,used to travel round with us.

Now, for the last number in our act, we did these 20 acrobaticfour,five...splits, spread eagles,back flips,flip flops,one right after the other.

Well, this one night we were in Cicero,

the three of us, sittin' upin a hotel room, boozin' and havin' a few laughs and

we ran out of ice.

So I went out to get some.

I come back, open the door

and there's Veronica and

Charlie doing Number Seventeen-the spread eagle.

[GIRLS]He had it coming

He had it coming

He only had

Himself to blame.

If you'd have been there

If you'd have seen it tricks in a row,one,two,three,I betcha

You would

Have done

The same!

He had

It coming

He had it coming...

Well, I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out.

I can't remember a thing.

It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands

I even knew they were dead.

They had it coming

They had it coming

They had it coming all along

I didn't do it

But if I'd done it

How could you tell me that I was wrong?

[VELMA]They had it coming

[GIRLS]They had it coming

[VELMA]They had it coming

[GIRLS]They had it coming

[VELMA]They had it coming

[GIRLS]They took a flower

[VELMA]All along

[GIRLS]In its prime

[VELMA]I didn't do it

[GIRLS]And then they used it

[VELMA]But if I'd done it

[GIRLS]And they abused it

[VELMA]How could you tell me

[GIRLS]It was a murder

[VELMA]That I was wrong?

[GIRLS]But not a crime!

[MONA]I loved Alvin Lipschitz

more than I can possibly say.

He was a real artistic guy...sensitive... a painter.

But he was troubled. He was always trying

to find himself. He'd go out every night

looking for himself

and on the way he found Ruth,Gladys,Rosemary and Irving.

I guess you can say we brokeup because or artistic differences.

He saw himself as alive and I saw him dead.

[GIRLS]He had it coming

He had it coming

He only had

Himself to blame

If you'd have been there

If you'd have seen it

I betcha

You wouldHave done

The same!

[ALL]The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

[LIZ,ANNIE,MONA]They had it comin'

[VELMA,JUNE,HUNYAK]They had it comin'

[LIZ,ANNIE,MONA]They had it comin'

[VELMA,JUNE,HUNYAK]They had it comin'

[LIZ,ANNIE,MONA]They had it comin'

[VELMA,JUNE,HUNYAK]They had it comin'

[LIZ,ANNIE,MONA]All along

[VELMA,JUNE,HUNYAK]All along'Cause if they used us'

Cause if they used us And they abused us And they abused us

[LIZ,ANNIE,MONA]How could you tell us

[VELMA,JUNE,HUNYAK]How could you tell us That we were wrong?

That we were wrong?

He had it coming

He had it coming

He only had

HimselfTo blame.

If you'd have been there

If you'd have seen it

I betchaYou wouldHave doneThe same!

[LIZ (Spoken)]You pop that gum one more time!

[ANNIE (spoken)]Single my ass.

[JUNE (Spoken)]Ten times!

[HUNYAK (Spoken)]Miert csukott Uncle Same bortonbe.

[VELMA (Spoken)]Number seventeen-the spread eagle.

[MONA (Spoken)]Artistic differences.

[ALL]I betcha you would have done the same!

(L)chicago

more serious newss.

on sat u had a ultra sound.

and no im not pregnate.

the doctor has me on the strongest legal 'pill' avalible, but im still getting killer cramps and i think im still ovulating.

ultra sounds are so uncomfortable. i had to empty my bladder 2 hours before then drink 4-5 cups of water and i did.

it caused so much pain. my stomache started to cramp and i started to cry. i really wanted to either go to the toilet, pass out or vomite.
we finally went in and he did all the important shots then he let me go to the toilet. i finally stopped crying and relaxed but still felt sick.
he took a few more shots.

so i hopefully tomorrow will get the results from the doctor. i could have sists on my ovarys. its really bad. the last time i had a sist it infected my apendix. i jsut dont want it to infect anything else and leave me with problems.

it worrys me.. but positive thoughts

me matthew and belgrave = loveeeeee

so lets start at the begining.

i wake up super earlie and get dressed and catch the train into the city where i am greeted by my wonderful boyfriend. we then ventured to plateform 12 for a train out to his. on the way we took a little deture to start bucks and had some hot chocolate =]

we talked and cuddled all the way to his station were he showed me this cute little river that runs along the stations plateform. we then walked down to where his mum picked us up. we went back to his had a drink and toilet stop.
i greeted his parents and they greeted me happily and welcomingly.

we then borrowed the car and drove into belgrave. the most beautiful place i had ever seen. all surrounded by green life and forrest, big beautiful houses scattered amoungst the trees.
we walked up the main street and look in all the shops and talked. we then came across the movies and had a look to see what was on. we decided to see the watchmen at 2:30.

we had time to waste so we went for another walk to see what we could have for lunch. we then stoped and decided on a little caffee. we went inside and was greeted by friendly staff and lead to a little table giving a glass of water and the menues. both me and my boyfriend decided on sandwiches, with roast chicken, sweet chilli alioli, sredded cos lettus and coleslaw. i decided to have mine on terkish bread and matthew had his on soughdough, both with a side of chips and a iced chocolate. we sat ate and talked to pass the time we then paid and walked over to the movies and sat down and watch the movie.

i loved the day it was perfect.
i love spending time with my baby.
it jsut feels to amazing.

i love him

sleeeeeep ZZzzzzzZZZZzzz!

well it seems no matter how hard i try i can never catch up on enough sleep.
its driving me nuts as well as keeping me so drained and feeling emotionally messed.
its taking all my strength to get up in the mornings and go off and listen to the teachers ramble on about crap.
i jsut wish i could at least go back to a neautral time.

i also wish i was falling asleep in someones arms..
but no. i fall asleep on my own in a big cold bed.

YAWN!

parents.. they jsut dont get it.

ok my deb is coming up,
and its MY night in a WHITE dress DANCING with my partner.. who is a lovely man.
i said on my table i wanted my mum, brad, my boyfriend matthew, my best friend tiffie and nan and my aunty sonya.
and my 12 year old sister asked if she was gonna come and i said no and she stormed off and i got yelled at! it is my night and if she came she would embarress me and be stupid. its the one night i get to look like a princess and feel amazing and i dont want her to make me look stupid..

this then went on to other stuff and i was being told how i always look at things negativly and i dont.. its jstu hard to look at things from a normal perspective when no one gives a shit till your in tears and on the verge of sanity.
this then went on to how i have agressive mood swings..
i know i have some kind of depression just never been tested because mum is like 'you dont need a doctor just be more happy' such great adive NOT!
i have always need to see a counsler and stuff i use to before we moved but mums all like 'i cant make that commitment' if she cant make the commitment then i cant deal with my problems and stress. she doesnt get it.

i tried explaining to her for my longing for a connection to somewhere.. to have a home..
but she said i will never have a home home because its normally a country thing, but yet she has a 'home' and brad has a 'home' i dont have that feeling.. i dont have that connection.. i dont remember ever feeling it.

they refuse to help me help me
they dont understand
they make a problem general over personal
its me on a lone battle .. again.

stress.

i feel like i am going crazy like seriously! ahhhh!
my family is driving me up the wall.
i just cant seem to do anything right. im ALWAYS in the wrong, and they are being seriously frustrating. my little sister most of all. she is rude ignorant.. does things she knows drives me nuts and it makes me wanna rip my hair out.

school is so fucking GRRR! like seriously people are stupid and i hate them all. friends suck and people lie and teacher dont talk to each other. im so stressed im not eating or sleeping properly.

i need space and time to myself but i cant get that. no cause everyone else has to be right in the middle of my business.
my head hurts i feel like crying and screaming and it seems like no one can see im stressing so bad and feeling very messed up..

cause no one stops for 5 seconds to look at me and realise im struggling.

fuck them all.